I am just going to jump straight at the answer: It is because we are unwilling to tolerate the reactions of the other party should we tell the truth.
1. Let me show you a classic example.
Mother(M), “Honey, who is this Patrick person? Why does he keep texting you?”
Honey(H), “You’ve been checking on my phone?!”
M, “That is not the point. Who is this Patrick, I asked?”
H, “Gawd. He’s Heather’s third cousin’s sister’s friend’s boyfriend’s brother.”
M, “So he’s nowhere near being your boyfriend?”
H, “I guess not.”
M, “Okay. I shall give you a sub-card for being a good girl.”
And this is what happens when Honey is being completely honest.
M, “Honey, I see that this Patrick creature keeps texting you. Who’s he?”
H, “He’s my boyfriend, Mom. We went attached about 11 hours ago!”
M, “WHAT? Boyfriend?! You’re only 18, how can you possibly have a boyfriend? What have you two done? Oh no oh no, the world is coming to an end because tomorrow you are going to be pregnant and I am going to be a grandmother at the age of merely 38. Young lady, you are grounded, and you better make sure that Patrick knows that this thing you two are having? IT’S OVER.”
H, “But mom!”
M, “No but. End of discussion.”
Now do you understand why people lie? Sub-card versus Being Grounded. Yeah.
2. Another scenario below.
Girlfriend (Gf), “Where were you at 7.17 last night? I didn’t see you online, you didn’t call and neither did you text me!”
Boyfriend (Bf), “I was out playing poker with the guys.”
Gf, “At 7.17pm? DO NOT FREAKING LIE TO ME, YOU BASTARD. Where were you? Which girl is it? Which girl?? Is she prettier than me? Is her hair more luscious and her legs as long as a giraffe’s neck?”
Bf, “Holysh- You know what? Here, call Jon, I was with him last night. We were playing poker.”
Gf, “Do you think I’d believe you? You think I don’t know that you’ve asked Jon to cover you!? You, piece of turd, get out.”
Bf, *sigh*
That’s when honesty is involved. So, what happens when Boyfriend decides to just lie?
Gf, “I noticed that I didn’t know your whereabouts at 7.17 last night? Where were you?”
Bf, “I was out.”
Gf, “Where exactly?!”
Bf, “Oh babe, do you really want me to be honest?”
Gf, “You’d better, or else-”
Bf, “I was at the mall picking up this beautiful bouquet of roses for you to be delivered to your office tomorrow. But I walked around finding a florist and found none. So I decided that a beautiful girl like you deserves more than just a bouquet of roses. So, I walked over to Tiffany and saw this beautiful diamond bracelet that costs about thrice my monthly salary. But you’re my princess, you’re worth so much more, so tonight I shall go and look for more expensive stuff to fill your only three-quarter filled walk-in wardrobe.”
Gf *blushes*, “Really, dear?”
Bf, “Of course.”
Gf, “Okay. I shall not disturb you tonight so you can focus on finding the perfect gift for me then.”
*couple hugs, while both feel like they’ve got the upper hand in their relationship.”
When tonight rolls, the lying boyfriend gets to have a free night out doing whatever he wants to do, while the honest boyfriend gets to sleep on the couch. SUCH A DIFFICULT CHOICE TO MAKE, I KNOW.
3. Another example.
Bf, “Tell me the truth. Do you want to take that culinary scholarship to Switzerland and abandon our relationship?”
Gf, “I won’t abandon this relationship. We can do long-distance. A lot of couples do that. We have technology honey, nothing to worry about, okay?”
Bf, “So, you’re saying that you’re taking the scholarship?”
Gf, “I’m still deliberating but I am leaning towards accepting the offer.”
Bf, “You don’t love me anymore. You don’t love us.”
Gf, “So you’re saying that you want me to reject the offer.”
Bf, “No. I want you to WANT to reject the offer.”
Gf, “Why would I want to reject a one hundred thousand dollars worth of scholarship??”
Bf, “Because that’s what girlfriend in the right mind would do.”
Gf, “So you’re telling me I’m out of my mind??”
Bf, “I am saying that you don’t love me anymore.”
Gf, “Jesus Ch- You know what, I am just gonna reject the offer. You happy now?”
Bf, “You see. You’re angry now. Just go and take the offer then and leave me.”
Gf, “Fine, I shall accept the offer.”
Bf, “Really? You don’t consider my feelings first?”
This goes on and on and on for about one hundred years.
So what’s the easy way out?
Bf, “Babe, have you decided on the offer?”
Gf, “I have, actually, sweetie.”
Bf, “Really? So, you’re…?”
Gf, “Rejecting the offer, of course. Because I can’t bear to leave you, you’re such a great partner and I want to be physically next to you 24/7.”
Bf, “I will be here with you forever.”
Gf, “Honey, I have cancer.”
Bf, “WHAT? Omg, you are dying. You only have six months left to live. The world is ending.”
Gf, “I heard there’s this awesome cancer treatment in Swiss which might work.”
Bf, “Swiss? (Because Swiss is TOTALLY different from Switzerland to some people) Okay, I shall pay for your treatments there and visit you when I have leave from work. You’re getting there on the next available flight, okay?”
Gf, “Okay.”
One lie goes a long way. Literally.
So, here is the part where I would explain the solution to the lying epidemic that’s been going around for centuries. The answer is very simple and is totally not rocket science: you should throw this question – “will I be able to keep my cool and not judge if he tells me the truth?” – at you first before asking someone to be honest with you. And only if the answer is a solid and resounding ‘YES’, you go ahead and ask for the truth.
And when he really tells you the truth, no matter how painful it is, you shouldn’t be judgmental or angry or calling names, because at first, you asked for it. But should the truth be that intolerable and you lose your shit together and World War III broke right there, you should be willing to take the consequences. For couples, it is obviously a break-up. For families, a Cold War for as long as your daughter doesn’t need your money (it won’t last that long, actually) or for the more extreme case, you lose your children’s trusts. For friends, as painful as it may sound, an end to a beautiful friendship.
Now you’re going to drop me the bomb, “But in every good and ideal relationship or friendship or family, honesty should be involved. Are you too dumb to know?”
And my answer is this: “I am certainly dumb, thank you. But I also do know that in every good and ideal and healthy relationship with anyone in your life, you shouldn’t be calling them names, be selfish and throw tantrums. And in a good relationship, you won’t even have the need to dig for the truth from them, because they would have already told you.”

