Why do we lie?

I am just going to jump straight at the answer: It is because we are unwilling to tolerate the reactions of the other party should we tell the truth.

1. Let me show you a classic example.

Mother(M), “Honey, who is this Patrick person? Why does he keep texting you?”
Honey(H), “You’ve been checking on my phone?!”
M, “That is not the point. Who is this Patrick, I asked?”
H, “Gawd. He’s Heather’s third cousin’s sister’s friend’s boyfriend’s brother.”
M, “So he’s nowhere near being your boyfriend?”
H, “I guess not.”
M, “Okay. I shall give you a sub-card for being a good girl.”

And this is what happens when Honey is being completely honest.

M, “Honey, I see that this Patrick creature keeps texting you. Who’s he?”
H, “He’s my boyfriend, Mom. We went attached about 11 hours ago!”
M, “WHAT? Boyfriend?! You’re only 18, how can you possibly have a boyfriend? What have you two done? Oh no oh no, the world is coming to an end because tomorrow you are going to be pregnant and I am going to be a grandmother at the age of merely 38. Young lady, you are grounded, and you better make sure that Patrick knows that this thing you two are having? IT’S OVER.”
H, “But mom!”
M, “No but. End of discussion.”

Now do you understand why people lie? Sub-card versus Being Grounded. Yeah.

2. Another scenario below. 

Girlfriend (Gf), “Where were you at 7.17 last night? I didn’t see you online, you didn’t call and neither did you text me!”
Boyfriend (Bf), “I was out playing  poker with the guys.”
Gf, “At 7.17pm? DO NOT FREAKING LIE TO ME, YOU BASTARD. Where were you? Which girl is it? Which girl?? Is she prettier than me? Is her hair more luscious and her legs as long as a giraffe’s neck?”
Bf, “Holysh- You know what? Here, call Jon, I was with him last night. We were playing poker.”
Gf, “Do you think I’d believe you? You think I don’t know that you’ve asked Jon to cover you!? You, piece of turd, get out.”
Bf, *sigh*

That’s when honesty is involved. So, what happens when Boyfriend decides to just lie?

Gf, “I noticed that I didn’t know your whereabouts at 7.17 last night? Where were you?”
Bf, “I was out.”
Gf, “Where exactly?!”
Bf, “Oh babe, do you really want me to be honest?”
Gf, “You’d better, or else-”
Bf, “I was at the mall picking up this beautiful bouquet of roses for you to be delivered to your office tomorrow. But I walked around finding a florist and found none. So I decided that a beautiful girl like you deserves more than just a bouquet of roses. So, I walked over to Tiffany and saw this beautiful diamond bracelet that costs about thrice my monthly salary. But you’re my princess, you’re worth so much more, so tonight I shall go and look for more expensive stuff to fill your only three-quarter filled walk-in wardrobe.”
Gf *blushes*, “Really, dear?”
Bf, “Of course.”
Gf, “Okay. I shall not disturb you tonight so you can focus on finding the perfect gift for me then.”
*couple hugs, while both feel like they’ve got the upper hand in their relationship.”

When tonight rolls, the lying boyfriend gets to have a free night out doing whatever he wants to do, while the honest boyfriend gets to sleep on the couch. SUCH A DIFFICULT CHOICE TO MAKE, I KNOW.

3. Another example. 

Bf, “Tell me the truth. Do you want to take that culinary scholarship to Switzerland and abandon our relationship?”
Gf, “I won’t abandon this relationship. We can do long-distance. A lot of couples do that. We have technology honey, nothing to worry about, okay?”
Bf, “So, you’re saying that you’re taking the scholarship?”
Gf, “I’m still deliberating but I am leaning towards accepting the offer.”
Bf, “You don’t love me anymore. You don’t love us.”
Gf, “So you’re saying that you want me to reject the offer.”
Bf, “No. I want you to WANT to reject the offer.”
Gf, “Why would I want to reject a one hundred thousand dollars worth of scholarship??”
Bf, “Because that’s what girlfriend in the right mind would do.”
Gf, “So you’re telling me I’m out of my mind??”
Bf, “I am saying that you don’t love me anymore.”
Gf, “Jesus Ch- You know what, I am just gonna reject the offer. You happy now?”
Bf, “You see. You’re angry now. Just go and take the offer then and leave me.”
Gf, “Fine, I shall accept the offer.”
Bf, “Really? You don’t consider my feelings first?”

This goes on and on and on for about one hundred years.

So what’s the easy way out?

Bf, “Babe, have you decided on the offer?”
Gf, “I have, actually, sweetie.”
Bf, “Really? So, you’re…?”
Gf, “Rejecting the offer, of course. Because I can’t bear to leave you, you’re such a great partner and I want to be physically next to you 24/7.”
Bf, “I will be here with you forever.”
Gf, “Honey, I have cancer.”
Bf, “WHAT? Omg, you are dying. You only have six months left to live. The world is ending.”
Gf, “I heard there’s this awesome cancer treatment in Swiss which might work.”
Bf, “Swiss? (Because Swiss is TOTALLY different from Switzerland to some people) Okay, I shall pay for your treatments there and visit you when I have leave from work. You’re getting there on the next available flight, okay?”
Gf, “Okay.”

One lie goes a long way. Literally.

So, here is the part where I would explain the solution to the lying epidemic that’s been going around for centuries. The answer is very simple and is totally not rocket science: you should throw this question – “will I be able to keep my cool and not judge if he tells me the truth?” – at you first before asking someone to be honest with you. And only if the answer is a solid and resounding ‘YES’, you go ahead and ask for the truth.

And when he really tells you the truth, no matter how painful it is, you shouldn’t be judgmental or angry or calling names, because at first, you asked for it. But should the truth be that intolerable and you lose your shit together and World War III broke right there, you should be willing to take the consequences. For couples, it is obviously a break-up. For families, a Cold War for as long as your daughter doesn’t need your money (it won’t last that long, actually) or for the more extreme case, you lose your children’s trusts. For friends, as painful as it may sound, an end to a beautiful friendship.

Now you’re going to drop me the bomb, “But in every good and ideal relationship or friendship or family, honesty should be involved. Are you too dumb to know?”

And my answer is this: “I am certainly dumb, thank you. But I also do know that in every good and ideal and healthy relationship with anyone in your life, you shouldn’t be calling them names, be selfish and throw tantrums. And in a good relationship, you won’t even have the need to dig for the truth from them, because they would have already told you.”

The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee.

My favorite professor in school shared this story with us today.

–

A professor is standing in a class full of his students. He brought along with him a few items and placed them on the table.

Towards the end of his lecture, he picks up an empty mayonnaise jar and fills it with golf balls. Then, he asks his students, “Guys, do you think this jar is now full?”

All the students reply, “Yes!”

He then proceeds to pick up a few tiny pebbles and without emptying the jar fills the empty spaces with as much pebbles as he can. He again asks his students the same question. And they all agree that the jar is full. Even fuller than before, of course.

Now, he pickes up a bag of fine sands and fill up that jar again until it almost fully covers the entire jar. After the same question asked, his students reply that the jar is now completely and entirely full.

Suddenly, the professor picks up two cups of coffee and pour them into the jar, filling the last of the remaining spaces. The students smile and agree that the jar is full.

And then, finally, the professor speaks,

“You see this jar can be used to represent your life. The golf balls are the most important things in  your life, and they should be made priorities. They are the representatives of your family, your friends, and your loved ones. The pebbles and the sands are all the small stuff that you shouldn’t sweat too much over – your job, your house, your car. As you yourself have agreed, that even without the pebbles and the sand, you life would still be full.”

One student, then mentions, “Then what is the coffee for, Prof?”

He smiles and replies, “I’m glad you asked, the coffee is here to tell you that no matter how full your life is and how busy your days are, there should always be time for a cup of coffee with a friend. So, when the time is hard, and you feel that you have too much to handle and 24hours a day is simply not enough, just remember this Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee.”

Day 04: Your Biggest Fear.

My biggest fear in life is, without a single freaking doubt, confined spaces. That’s right, I am claustrophobic. A crazy one at that.

I have never really told anyone about this phobia before and I always tried to keep my cool whenever I am put in such situations. For example, when I am in an elevator. Holy gracious Lord, that is like a vertically-shaped casket for me. I mean, whenever possible, I always try to avoid lifts. But of course, sometimes when I am out with a group of friends (even worse, new friends), I can’t simply tell them that I prefer taking the escalator because I am scared just to be inside the lift. Umm, no. I’d rather learn to conquer my fear and keep my friends. Not the other way around.

But then again, it’s pretty normal for a claustrophobic to be scared of the almighty elevators.

What I can’t comprehend is you know when sometimes you’re taking the train and it goes underground? And sometimes during peak hours, the train stops in between two stations because otherwise there will be huge collisions among the trains? Yeah, during that one-minute stop (at most) I get jittery and fidgety as if I just missed my dosage of Vicodin (not that I am taking any, relax!). I mean, what if all of a sudden the train shrinks? WHAT IF THAT HAPPENS? I will be stuck there, squashed between gazillions of people and I can’t escape. Just the thought of it gives me goosebumps.

That’s also one of the many reasons why I love bus-rides. If, heaven forbids, it shrinks, I can break the window, and tadaaa, out I am.

I know, don’t you just love how weird I am? Dillon loves it. Go ask him. But don’t mention anything about heights or altitudes or anything higher than a hundred feet above the ground. (Hello boyfriend! )

Day 03: Your Definition of Love.

To me, Love is..

• giving up that last bite of your favorite pancake to your sibling.
• saying sorry not because you are wrong, but because you don’t want the fight to go on.
• not about saying ‘I love you’ every single seconds of your day.
• an ability to compromise.
• traveling forty-five minutes  to your girlfriend’s house at 6am in the morning, just because you know she can’t carry all those heavy luggage by herself even though she has refused your help.
• wolfing down a simple meal that your partner makes and mid-eating mentions, “Ooh, this is nice! I’m not gonna let you cook for any other guys.”
• respecting the differences and staying curious about your partner’s interest.
• working your life away just so that you can send your kids to good school, although deep inside all you ever want is a Harley Davidson Motorcycle.
• about giving some space and a chance to miss each other.
• making out like when you first met, and understanding like a couple who’s been together for eternity.
• insisting a warm tight hug although he doesn’t respond, just because you know that he needs it and it is going to make him a whole lot better.
• all about giving in, but not about giving up your rights.
• letting go off your children when they are ready, not when you are.
• giving each other chance to explore their dreams, no matter how far away they need to go.
• forgiving.
• ordering a Caramel Frappuccino instead of your favorite Vanilla Latte just ’cause you know we are sharing. (and guess who’s obsessed with Caramel)
• laughing over the stupidest mistake and the lamest jokes.
• never judging.
• and above all else, love is one thing that I will always believe in.

Day 02: Your Childhood.

My parents met when they were working together in the same company in their early twenties. They got married when my mom was barely 23, and my dad was 28. I am not too sure if they actually planned to have a baby so soon, but a year later, a baby popped out, and oops, what were they supposed to do with the baby?

When I was born, my parents were in a very difficult situation financially. They almost could never afford to get a powdered milk for me because it was just so dang expensive. Thank God for breast milk. And there was one time when I was out with my parents, I got so thirsty and my mom refused to breastfeed me in public (seriously now, mom?), they decided to purchase a pre-packaged tea in a box (think Juice Box), Teh Kotak, and in my head I was like, “Dude, where’s my boobies of milk?” but I was so so thirsty that the moment my dad handed me that Tea Box, I sipped it right out of a straw. That’s right, I instantly knew how to maneuver my way through a straw when I was barely six months.

I was milk-deprived because only a year after, a skinhead fatty decided to pop out and dominate the milk supply (Hello Brother!). Come to think of it, maybe the Universe decided to return me a favor and granted me with, well, a pretty decent set of breasts. Hey-O!

My childhood wasn’t all that great but it could have been worse, so I am not complaining. Like I’ve mentioned before I was pretty tomboy because I always hung out with my brother and my cousin playing fake swords and such. However, I also have a slight memory that I used to go out and play with my neighbors. Ooh, didn’t they own some cool toys! They were lovely enough to let me play with their cooking set, or rock their Barbie Dolls, or when toys got boring we played hide-and-seek. That’s also one of the things I miss about my generation’s childhood. We went out to play, we ran around, we hid-and-sought, we played catch (oh wait, that’s the dogs not me), we played Tak Jongkok Tak Patung. Ahh.. Weren’t we so so lucky? (: I am not trying to compare, but I can’t help to feel sorry for this generation of Blackberry and Facebook and Wii and Nintendo DS and Twitter. Well, maybe they’ll reverse it back and play hide-and-seek when they are twenty-five.

Academically speaking, not to toot my own horn, but I was quite smart. And my social life was so much better than it is now. I am not saying that I am an introvert or an anti-social now, but when I was young, I could befriend anyone. Literally. I even befriended the school janitor and I was involved in many activities in school. Girl Scouts, Choir, Girl Brigades, Drama Club, Traditional dance Club, and many more. I am not sure what happened along the way that I’ve become like this. Oh wait, I know what happened, I grew up. And it sucked. For the most part.

But at the very least, I have memories of my endearing childhood, and nothing or no one could ever take that away from me (:

Day 01: Introduce Yourself

Hi, my name is Alga and I am not a drug-addict. I have recently just turned 23. I am currently a third year Engineering student at a local university in Singapore. I was born and raised in Indonesia until I was fifteen when I my parents decided to send me here for a better education.

I am pretty much like any other girls/women you see on the streets, except that sometimes when I am around certain groups of people, my behavior becomes completely out of the world. Imagine chicken dance as I am crossing the road? Ooh yeah, I’ve crossed that off my Things To Do Before I Die list. Another thing about me is that I don’t particularly enjoy shopping. I shop like how men do. I don’t compare prices, if I am looking for a pair of shoes, I get into a store, try on the first pair I touch, it fits, I proceed to the cashier. Hell, I am more interested in that two-scoops of Gelato at Market Street than a gorgeous dress.

I am a huge, huge food-lover. My boyfriend can testify to this fact. He always tells me that he likes to feed me because when I am presented with good food, my eyes light up as if I have just been given a cheque with nine zeros following a number. And in USD, not Rupiah. That’s how much I love food. My favorite food would be, this is difficult but if I really have to choose, Sushi. Oooh, I can eat sushi all day everyday, and finish off every morsels of Salmon Sashimi that’s delivered to me. Too bad, my wallet doesn’t really get a long well with Sushi.

In case you are wondering why I am introducing myself in the middle of a two-year-old blog, I am currently embarking on this 30Days Get To Know Me project. Honestly though, my main purpose of doing this is so that this blog won’t go dead like the rest of its’ predecessors and I have a topic to write about because nothing calms me like writing does.

So, here I go.

Your Guardian Angel

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I’ll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

-The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

The first lady.

Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person?
That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bankbook or the title.
Look at the heart. Look at the soul.
Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women.
How he acts with children he doesn’t know.
And more important, how does he treat you?
When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good.
You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself.
You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy,
and make you feel whole.
And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is,
don’t get married.

-Michelle Obama

My bimbo share of handsome soccer player.

The past two nights, my heart broke into million pieces because Brazil was eliminated from the World Cup by Netherlands and Argentina was gracefully defeated by Germany. But there is a difference between that two losses. At least Argentina was defeated by a team that deserves it: Germany. They played beautifully last night, and I’ve never seen such enthusiastic yet composed players throughout this World Cup 2010. And don’t let me start with their defenders. Best. Defense. Ever. Bottom line is Germany deserved to win, and I won’t be the least bit surprised if they won this year’s World Cup.

I can’t say the same about Netherlands, though. I really hope from the bottom of my heart that if Germany and Netherlands meet in the final round, Germany teaches them some beautiful game and thrash them hard. But who knows? Netherlands has Robben and that guy’s ability to dive is beyond me.

So, I’ve promised Dillon that if both Brazil and Argentina failed to make it to the semi-final, I will give my support for Spain for the match against Paraguay last night. It was not a very easy feat for me because I’ve never liked Spain before as I think that they are overrated. I mean, Iker Casillas is one hell of a goalkeeper, I admit. But Torres? Meh. I prefer Fabregas. Or better yet, David Villa. And last night, Del Bosque made the best decision ever by substituting Torres with Fabregas because really, Torres made the game super boring.

And before the girls start throwing me with eggs because they love their Fernando Torres because he is oh so handsome, here, a picture of David Villa.

Handsome? Try Sizzling Hotness.
And I don’t think I need to mention how many times he had saved Spain throughout this World Cup.

P.S. Image courtesy of Girlslovesoccertoo.

Protected: It’s nothing personal, but I swear it will be as soon as my electricity gets cut off.

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